January 20, 2013

I prefer the 1st story

I prefer the first story, but I believe the second story. 

When I was a kid, I went to church every Sunday. I was the only church goer in the family. My father was a Protestant, my brother a Born-again, my mother a Roman Catholic. When I turned 6 or something, I was baptized as a Roman Catholic. Because I was the only church goer in the family, I got bored going to church alone. Hence, I decided to go to church with my friends and their families. They were Christians - I think. Their Sunday masses were very different - in a good way. The room was small compared with the big church that I would go to as a kid. They had tambourines and drums and, they were singing joyfully. Occasionally, someone would cry and fall on his or her knees... I didn't care much. 

Then during the sharing period for adults, kids (I) would go out and play and attend the bible study instead. It was fun, until my friends moved.

Good thing, there was a new parish being built near our place. I attended masses there. It was smaller; I liked it. As a kid, I didn't like big churches; it felt scary. As I grew older, I made mistakes that the priests would openly denounce. I am already harsh to myself so I felt like I didn't need a harsher entity. That's when I read the bible seriously. As a teenager, I found it to be very self-contradicting and confusing - especially when you have no one to ask about it. But still, I was devoted. 

Things happened.

I became agnostic, but it was difficult. By being agnostic, I felt like a hypocrite. I had gotten so used to the idea of god and praying when I had problems, etc. That's when I decided to believe in a god, a being that can hear me and is able to help, but had no obligation to (Thus, no blaming on my part). A Catholic professor then told me that I am not believing in god. He said that I was only believing in my own notion of god. Thus, I was only believing in myself. 


That was the easy way for me. To not believe the "harsh" teaching of the church and to believe that something out there is greater than me, something mostly good if not purely good... that's what I want to believe. I do not know if it's the truth. I will not even argue for its sake. All I know is that this setup makes my life easier. 

I digress big time. HAHAHAHA

What I'm pointing at is that, I would choose to live the life that would give me peace of mind. And maybe Pi is the same, maybe he chose to believe his first story, because that's the story that gives him peace of mind. Belief being the indicative word. 


In my phone, I've typed the phrase "forever is too long to". I usually type reminders while watching a film so I could revisit my immediate thoughts and ponder at a later time so as to avoid missing out on the film. Nonetheless, this time, I don't remember the trigger for typing that, nor do I remember the next word. It is bothering me...


Why was Pi apologizing so much? Was he apologetic of something, or did he just feel sorry (for himself/ others/ the situation) in general? 

Edited February 5, 2013
I finally remember it! Forever is too long to fool yourself... But forever is also too long to be morose / bitter about something.


  1. Always full of thought, Arlet. You'd make a good writer; but you're so random you'll make your readers go crazy.

    Anyway, I haven't seen the movie, but I just wanna say that I also believe in God, however, I stick to Catholic traditions. I avoid of course those 'harsh' realities about the system, but that's just what it is. And besides, I know God acknowledges so much more than mere traditions.

    1. Thanks, Josh. You wouldn't mind going crazy, right? hahaha
      On your last statement, I think so too.


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